Planting Seeds that Nurture Deep Friendships | January 23rd, 2017

“Would you like to meet me for coffee this week?” I cannot tell you how much it means to me to hear those words from a friend. To be offered someone’s precious time, along with the authentic desire for us to get to know each other more deeply, is one of the best gifts I could ever receive. In a hurried world of tight schedules with little or no margin, a person’s time is truly a gift, especially when it results in a richer, more meaningful friendship.

The friends you have had throughout your life helped shape you into who you are today. You learn things along the way from every friend. They tell you the truth about yourself. They inspire and encourage you to reach your goals and sharpen your mind. They keep you from feeling lonely, discouraged, and depressed. And the best part of all, they can help you live a longer, healthier life.

Garnet, January’s Birthstone

January’s birthstone is the beautiful, deep red garnet, belonging to the isometric crystal class which produces symmetrical, cube-shaped crystals. Garnet can be found in granite and volcanic rocks that form deep underground enduring extreme temperatures and pressures.

The name “garnet” comes from the Latin word, garanatus, which means “seed-like” in reference to a pomegranate, or Punica granatum. Garnets look much like the red seeds you find inside of a pomegranate.

Opened pomegranate. Photography by Anton Croos.

When used in making jewelry, garnets are traditionally arranged close together, resembling what you see when you break open a pomegranate. This beautiful Bohemian garnet pin from the Victorian era (late 1800s) which I repurposed into a ring for myself is a perfect example: The Health Benefits of Pomegranate Seeds

The juicy, tart seeds of a pomegranate are considered a “superfood,” meaning they have numerous health benefits due to being nutrient-dense and rich in antioxidants.

According to the research…

  • The antioxidants in pomegranate seeds act as anti-inflammatory agents in the body, helping to reduce joint pain and decrease inflammation in those who suffer with arthritis. They also benefit the heart by lowering blood pressure and improving blood flow in the arteries by slowing and even reversing the growth of plaque formation.
  • Pomegranate seeds are a potent cancer-fighting food with multiple studies showing that pomegranate extracts inhibit the rapid reproduction of breast cancer cells by inducing cell death.
  • A study of elderly people who drank pomegranate juice (made from pomegranate seeds) had significantly improved verbal and visual memory by increasing blood flow to critical regions of the brain.

You will never find a pomegranate with only one seed in it. Each pomegranate can hold over 600 seeds! The health benefits result from eating many seeds, not just one.

The Health Benefits of Friendships

Just as pomegranate seeds can provide amazing health benefits, planting many seeds that nurture a friendship will also offer an advantage to your health and longevity.

According to the research…

  • People who have supportive friends are more likely to keep up an exercise program more than a year after starting it. Normally, 50% of those who begin an exercise routine will drop out within the first 6 months.
  • Those who are least connected with friends experience memory declines twice as fast as those who are more connected.
  • Social support of friends helps ward off depression and suicide.
  • A review of 148 studies found that people with stronger social relationships lower their risk of mortality by 50%.

The Bible also talks about the value of friendships…

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

When you have a good friend, you can enjoy each other’s company and conversation. You are there to bear each other’s burdens and lovingly serve, sharpen, encourage, strengthen, and comfort one another.

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24

Other words for “unreliable” include undependable, untrustworthy, fickle, and fair-weather. It is not easy to find a reliable friend whom you can truly count on. But when you do, be sure to plant plenty of seeds to nurture that valuable friendship.

Three Seeds to Be Sure to Plant

1. Plant the seed of EFFORT. Make an effort to reach out to your friend for one-on-one time. Ask them to meet you for coffee or a meal. Invite them to attend an event with you that you know you both would enjoy. Pick up the phone and call them to hear their voice. It is much more personal than a text or an email. Without effort, your friend will simply become just another acquaintance. Spending quality time together greatly strengthens a relationship.

2. Plant the seed of OPENNESS. Be willing to share your life with your friend. What are you passionate about? What difficulties are you going through right now where you could use encouragement? If you only talk about surface subjects like the weather, sports, and the latest fashions, your friendship will never progress toward intimacy. Share from the heart. And when your friend opens up and shares deeply with you, be fully present and a good listener.

3. Plant the seed of DEPENDABILITY. Be the kind of friend someone can count on to be there for them. If you are not dependable, your friendship will never last. A dependable friend is trustworthy, on time, and keeps their promises, doing exactly what they say they will do.

How Many Close Friends Do We Need?

According to MIT Technology Review, a magazine published by the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, a 2007 analysis of cell phone records backed up the long-standing theory that our brains may limit the number of people who are able to play a meaningful role in our lives.

During the 1990s, Oxford University anthropologist, Dr. Robin Dunbar, observed a correlation between the size of the brain and social relationships. His research indicated that the bigger an animal’s brain, the larger their social group. Dunbar then developed a formula to calculate an approximate figure based on brain size. He applied what he discovered to the size of a human’s brain and determined we are only capable of having a limited number of people in our social circle. This number turned out to be no more than 150 relationships.

That sounds like quite a few to me! But recently, Dunbar took his idea further by taking into account the emotional depth of those relationships. Each of the 150 people in our social sphere is “layered” based on the level of closeness we feel to that person.

The closest emotional layer making up our most meaningful relationships generally has five people in it. The second layer of closeness includes another 10. The third layer is estimated at 35, and the final layer adds another 100 for a total of 150 people. Interestingly, extroverts, while having more friends than those who are introverted, still have the same number of layers and only up to five close friends as well.

Knowing that information, it is especially important to plant seeds to nurture the friendships with those closest to you so you can maintain those significant relationships in your life.

Each time I wear my garnet ring, I will be reminded to plant many seeds to nurture my friendships and to also eat lots of pomegranate seeds for a long and healthy life!

Spiritual Sparklers

Sparkler #1: Prayer

Ask God to reveal those friendships in your life that you should spend more time nurturing.

Sparkler #2: Action

Regularly plant the seeds of effort, openness, and dependability with the friends who you desire to go deeper in your relationship.

Sparkler #3: Challenge

Invite a friend this week to spend some one-on-one time with you, perhaps over coffee or a meal, where you can be face-to-face and able to listen intently to each other for a richer, more meaningful relationship.

Kimberly Moore is a vintage costume jewelry expert, blogger, speaker, and author of Beauty in a Life Repurposed. To learn more, visit her website at 


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